Silence Isn’t Grace. It’s Permission.

How to enforce your boundaries when others won’t.

Photo by Shubham Pawar on Unsplash

Lately, I’ve been reflecting on how we teach people how to treat us. Not just through what we say, but what we allow.

I remembered a moment from a few years back, standing in a meeting with someone who consistently cut me off mid-sentence. Not just once, every time I spoke. I finally pulled them aside and calmly said, “When you interrupt me, it makes me feel like my thoughts don’t matter. I’d appreciate being able to finish before you jump in.”

They nodded. Smiled. Even apologized.

But the next week? Same thing. Interrupted again. Twice!

And you know what I did?
Nothing.

I stayed polite. Took the high road. Didn’t want to seem dramatic or “too sensitive.”
But inside? I felt small. And that’s where the real damage happens. Not in their interruption, but in my silence that followed it.

What I Learned

Boundaries aren’t just about working overtime or answering emails at dinner.
They show up in tone. In timing. In how we allow ourselves to be spoken to and dismissed.

And emotional intelligence doesn’t mean letting things slide in the name of keeping the peace.
It means speaking up even when it’s awkward.

I used to think if I just stayed kind, people would notice and adjust.
But kindness without clarity gets misread as permission.

Here’s the deeper truth:

• When someone talks over you and you don’t name it, you’re saying it’s okay.

• When someone mocks your idea and you laugh it off, you’re teaching them you’ll take it.

• When someone makes you the punchline in a meeting and you brush it aside, you're giving them permission to do it again.

We say we value respect, but do we reinforce it?

Your Weekend Invitation

What if emotional intelligence is less about staying calm… and more about being clear?

This weekend, notice how people speak to you.
Not just what they say but how it lands.
And if something feels off? Name it. Kindly. Firmly. On time.

Here’s a line you can keep in your back pocket:

“When you say it like that, it changes how I hear it.”

No drama. No defensiveness. Just data.
Let that be your boundary.

✅ I’ve learned that drawing boundaries isn’t a one-time act, it’s a practice.
It’s not just about protecting your time, but protecting your sense of self.

And sometimes the most respectful thing you can do… is correct the tone.

I’m still working on it too. Still catching myself staying silent when I should speak.
But every time I say something with care and conviction, I feel more like myself again.
That’s the kind of leadership I want to model and coach.

Smiling, steady.

Speaking up.

Bowtie and all.

Antoni

P.S. If your team’s tone, timing, or tension needs a reset, my Fix the Friction workshop was made for that. Just hit reply and I’ll tell you more.